Do you clean up after yourself?

Let’s get into it. What the heck does that mean ? Are you asking me if I literally clean up after myself or if I am a generally clean person?

Like, everytime I use the shower, I scrub it down and mop it up. Basically I get clean then I wade into dirt and sweat and accumulate dirt. So why did I shower in the first place ?

Or did you mean to ask if I scrub the toilet bowl after every dump? Does the question apply when I peed correctly and I didn’t hit the side of the bowl?

Are you trying to know if I wash the dishes everytime I am done ? Like right after cooking, before I eat, do I unpack al the food and shove them in the fridge, wash the dishes before I eat ?

In my room, are you asking me if all my books are always arranged and I lay my bed and straighten it everytime before jumping into bed?

These are the questions and more that I go over when I want to lie; by lie I mean bend the truth. The truth is, I am not a very clean person. I just happen to not be very dirty but these days, I question that last statement. My idea of clean home is make enough money to pay for regular cleaning services.

Clean is something I saw my sisters good at growing up but I didn’t think I’d need. Clean is the responsibility of my spouse bless her soul. Clean is an item in my checklist to look for in a woman, it’s an opportunity for her to complement me.

It’s amazing to me that there are people that find joy in cleaning and I have been quite happy with God for thinking of me when He made people like that but the truth is, as a man, as a human, as a person; cleaning after myself has nothing to do with gender roles or complimentarianism or whatever other justification I conjure up to shunt my personal growth.

Cleaning up after myself is a growing opportunity. The truth is, it doesn’t stop there. There are soo many areas of my life that I have relegated to paying someone to do or seeking a woman to make me whole or compliment me.

It is my weakness, I quip. You can imagine how excited I am to realize, no Dolapo, you have been immature and inconsiderate.

Sigh.

These realizations suck. Honestly, they are not fun to come to. I think back to my roommates and landlords in the last 7 years. My roommates in college and I just have mercy on them.

Why am I so quick to project who I am becoming or who I want to be to the world? Why am I quick to live in denial of my short comings but instead ready to paint a picture of perfection?

The more I ask that question the more I realize that it is because I don’t i see myself doing the work to truly improve in the areas that I fall short. Admitting to myself that I don’t clean up after myself should come with a choice to begin. So instead of beginning, I choose to not admit believing that my denial makes it true.

I am a filthy pig on most days. Sometimes I even use the restroom and “forget” to wash my hands. Sometimes I leave my sweaty shirts from run open in my room till it becomes the scent in my room. I most certainly don’t clean up after myself.

I am an imperfect man and it feels good to admit it to myself.

Whenever that potential landlady or landlord asks ne if you clean up after yourself, I will say. No.

Whenever that girl on bumble asks me what I do for fun, I will say I am a homebody that occasionally goes hiking.

I’ll work on me now so that I can answer differently later but for now. Dolapo is a filthy homebody that lives a monotonous life and loves it.