I’m going to change the world.

Everyone says that. Everyone wants that. Every man wants a woman to ride along the conquest of everything-in-their-way to change. Every woman wants a man with a vision first. Now if the vision is compatible with theirs- even better.

What most of us – men – offer are a bunch of promises broken. Inconsistent drive to what supposedly consumes us. A lot of women look into the dating market and faint. They find that the simple requirement of finding a man with a vision filters down their pool to a considerable paltry amount. The second requirement – compatible vision – becomes the tales of a picky woman that never got married at 150.

No one wants to be alone for that long. So here we are with women making choices similar to the American elections. Picking from a basket of rotten apples. We departed the days of courageous, chivalrous men. Men ready to die for what they believe in to men with these amazing characteristics:

• Men whose primary aim is to look good
• Men whose days consists of making money and spending it
• Men who are blind to growth, change and self investment.

Just before you begin to think that this is my public announcement as the object of a visionary woman’s partnership. Most of that conjecture is my story. I don’t wanna work for anything. I like sleep. I definitely feel like God made a special bum when He molded me and I have no interest in messing up His creation. That means no need for self growth besides the inches of height that measured my puberty years.

Like a lot of societal issues, it’s easy to apply a binary lens and blame men but what I have come to realize is this: we no longer believe in each other, and because we do not believe, we do not invest in each other. That man that has a vision and is working towards it, is a product of investments. On his journey, people believed in him, expected greatness of him, spent time on him, spent money on him, cuddled him, mentored him, and most importantly walked away from him when he began to live with a disproportionate drive to keep his promises.

The men we have today are by products of the men our mothers yearned for but didn’t have. We possess the qualities that attract women in Hollywood. We possess the qualities that gets attention on OkCupid and Tinder.

A long time ago, I believed that I would change the world. That belief was buried deep within me. It was alive but locked in the lowest dungeon of my mind. It was not over powering and all consuming, it was casual like a shy whale. It would occasionally come up for air.

I met a woman. She burned deep with convictions. She knew who she was and what she was gonna spend the rest of her life doing. There was no man or love; no distractions, no obstacles were going to get in her way. I was absolved by this vision that I forgot to get clarity on my own. Over time, it became clear not that our visions were incompatible but that I had no vision and it was dangerous. I am about to commit my life to a love that will eat up my purpose for breakfast and dinner. I’d have lunch for myself but it won’t be enough to satisfy my appetite to make a difference once I get to figuring out what it means to make a difference, truly.

So how do we change the world?

• First, we need to know what part of the world we wanna change. An artist can draw anything in whole wide world but not the whole world. Every route requires a definition of from and to.
• Second, figure out what you need to get the part of the world from where it is now to where you envision it being. A route is a choice of how to get from ”from” to ”to.” Pick one the same way you pick a GPS route suggestion.
• Third, commit to the work. In the case of a driver, he must keep driving. A long distance driver is not just a driver. Along distance driver is more of a journeyman than a driver. He/she must pack clothes and food for the trip. Study the route to know where to stop and rest. Learn to interact with people to enjoy the trip. And of course, drive. One can start as a driver but when making a difference requires that you become a journeyman. Do the work. Learn skills. Find sojourners. Pack. Prepare. Act. A route is a path, you gotta drive.
• EXTRA: only you know if you can change the world. Listen to your inner voice. The journeyman who reaches the end of the route is not the one who was excited to merely start but one who has found resolution of 1,2,3. When discouraging words come, remember they do not doubt you. They doubt whether or not you know what it takes, have a plan, and are committed to doing the work.

The real question then when doubt arises is- are you ready ?

To Dolapo and every man out there. To Raisa and every woman out there. You can make a difference, are you ready for what it will take ?

To that woman frustrated with the pool of men. You might need a third option. It might be time to groom men for the next generation. It might be time to groom men maybe even for other women. Who knows, maybe your little change of one man, helping him dig deep and swim on uncomfortable shores will lead to a new breed of men.

Men that are not afraid to die for what they believe in. Men that are committed to the work. Doing it. Enjoying it. Basking in it. Men of obedience.