What is life?
I just did something that every human does. I can’t believe I just did this. Yes, I, son of Mr. Olisa. Second son to be precise. I just had a conversation with myself! To be fair, I may have betrayed my heritage because that conversation happened in English of all languages. Me, a son of a rich heritage chose to speak to myself in the language of the land that I live in. What is this world become?
The conversation went something like this:
Me: I just had a 4 hour conversation with another human being on a Saturday.
Dolapo: yes, I told you at 10 that your basketball buddies won’t wait for you but you just carried on.
Me: yeah I did. A friend was enjoying my often hoarded conversation skills. I didn’t want to be abrupt.
Dolapo: abrupt? What none sense! Your primary duty is to me. To take care of this body that you live in. You freaking missed basketball!!
Me: I did. I did miss basketball but I am testing out a new theory. That life is more fulfilling when it’s spent in community and not solely on goals.
Dolapo: what the heck does going to the gym have to do with goals? What the heck does prioritizing your body have to do with goals?? This is just common sense. You need to be whole before you do anything else.
Me: uhmm.. did you just act like you don’t know the correlation? How did all these start?
Dolapo: go on. Tell us.
I got up from a deeply enriching conversation with a friend and my tongue teared up as if to say:
“I am hungry.”
I paid attention to it and it made another statement.
“That Lebanese food we eat on Saturdays after the gym, that chef- the owner- is calling your name. He wants to joke with you about soccer and take your money.”
My retort was sharp and instant!
“YOU DID NOT WORK OUT TODAY! HOW DARE YOU WANT LEBANESE FOOD?”
I paused for a long second at the thought. The fact that I have made so much of my life like a conditional relationship with people and myself. I am programmed. You do this, then you get that. You do this and that, then you get this that and the other.
What is life? If there is no room to enjoy people? To have conversations? To eat food? To be fat? To not be the smartest in the room? To feel not enough? To fear death? To feel shame? To become a lot of things I fear? What is life?
The goals I pursue are about the people I pursue yet I pursue goals that require an end to relationships I pursue them for.
What is life? I want to live it not merely make it. So much of life has become like making my favorite food only to lose my appetite in the process.
Why is it that the people we live for become the casualty of what we live for because the how-to-live-for something prunes everything not it. There is only room for one purpose and it often must establish a monocracy before it shares power.
I’m in bootcamp with Jesus. And yes, He does say to hate family as a comparative thermometer to the singular love that should burn for Him. I just came up for air.
The pruning continues…
Moral of the story: cook the food. Even if you lose appetite. You will find fulfillment in the lip smacking of your community. Love can feel like hate when it’s working in you to break down and rebuild, recreate. Let it work. Let love work.